Why I Stopped Blogging {and started again}

Everybody has something to say, so what could I possibly say that could matter, that could make any bit of a difference? 

This is a story of why I stopped blogging {and started again} and what God has taught me through silence.

When I first started blogging back in back in 2011 it was because I thought I had something to say. God was doing things in me in my 20s and I wanted to share what he was doing in hopes that as I searched and struggled, it could help somebody else find the things I was searching for faster than I did.

But we are not at a shortage for blogs. And there are men and women with much wiser, holier and better-intentioned things to say.

You and I both know, there is no shortage of opinions in this world, from yelp to angie's list, everything is rated and given "stars" to signify our satisfaction and level of recommendation. Blogs are no different... they're rated by likes and followers- as if any of us need more critics in our lives and in our work. And pouring your heart out for the world to critique isn't the easiest thing to do!

In this world it feels like everybody has something to say about everything! Not just commentary on news and blogs, but all over your facebook wall, in your inbox, etc. We're bombarded with all kinds of messaging. And In a world like that even if you're passionate about what you have to say, it's sometimes hard to feel like anybody cares or like it will do any good.

And the truth is, nobody probably does care and maybe it won't do any good. 

As I was scrolling through my facebook feed the other week I saw yet another post inviting me to somebody's blog to see what he had learned about something rather... and I thought "right, cause I (angi) need to know what you (not a famous writer or blogger or speaker) think, know or learned about blank".....

AND THEN IT HIT ME...

Maybe blogging isn't as much for others after all, maybe for all of us out there blogging/thinking/believing we have something to say- maybe the person that's ultimately for is our own selves in the very first place. 

Here's what I mean:

I (emphasis on "I") need to hear what I (emphasis on "I") learned more than anyone else.

The WORLD doesn't need you (your blog, your opinion, etc) --  YOU NEED YOU. Because the best parts of you are God-given and it would be a tragedy not to let those parts out. 

The passion that overflows into writing - that's God given no matter your opinion. Your best foot forward, your talents, your skills, your loves, the things that bring you joy - those are God given!

If there's nothing else you take away from this post, here's what I pray you do:

YOU need YOU to be YOU. I know that's a lot of "yous" and especially in the Christian-culture "you" is bad. 

But the best parts of you aren't actually you - they're God given, God ordained, and God sustained. 

So let the best parts of yourself out, share what God is doing, what he's teaching you and who you're becoming because of it. You owe it to yourself to do that, and it honors the God who made you exactly how you are. 

Lights, Camera...

This word is on my heart today: ACTION: an act of will, a thing done, the bringing about of an alteration by force or through natural agency.

Have you ever felt called to action?

Have you ever felt called to stillness?

Both real, and very different callings.

I fear that too many of us are called to action but instead we sit sedentary, idle, luke warm, mistaking the Psalms "Be still and know I Am God" for a way of life. God calls us to action. He calls us to look fear and sin and injustice directly in the eyes, to stand up against it, shamelessly, and FIGHT... to bring about an alteration by force!

But too many of us sit still. waiting. anticipating. Yet, we hear nothing. And we do nothing.

Of course, sometimes God does call us to stillness. To patience. To wait upon the Lord. To be still and know that He is God and He is in control.

What is God calling you to today? Please don't mistake your own idleness for stillness that the Lord is calling you to.

"So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong" 1 Kings 3:9

Oh Lord! Give your people wise and discerning hearts, to know the difference between right and wrong, action and stillness. Lord, guide your children! Fill our hearts with love and passion that drive us to action, to initiative, to pursue your people and your church the way you desire us to!

My Lord

Lord over the empty - you FILL.

Lord over the brokenhearted - you MEND.

Lord over the enslaved - you FREE.

Lord over the lost - you FIND.

Lord over all doubt- you HOPE

Lord over the weak - you are STRONG

Lord over the lonely- you BEFRIEND

Lord over all sin - you are GRACE

Lord over chaos - you are PEACE

Lord over dark - you are LIGHT

Lord over everything - you are LOVE

Lord You HAVE. You ARE. You WILL.

What's Growing in Your Garden?

I'm on a fruits of the Spirit diet lately. Metaphorically, of course.

In my few years of gardening, I've learned some life changing things about the garden of our own hearts.

I woke up one morning, overwhelmed with worry and fear. I'd been living in a place in life where I allowed my shortcomings, my weaknesses, my fears and doubts about my future to define me. I thought about my garden. For some reason, weeds grow at a much more rapid rate than the crops that you actually desire to grow. And isn't that true in our lives as well? Doesn't the tiniest thought insecurity and fear spread like wildfire throughout your body when you allow it? (Galatians 5:9 A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough)

"Weeds" in the garden of your heart can be overwhelming. Sometimes I live in this place where I'm so focused on all the weeds that I need to purge from my life, that I forget to focus on the fruits. I forget to tend to the crops that actually yield good fruit, and I allow the weeds to choke out the good. God calls us to live in the light of His Glory. Look to His face, and His glory and goodness will shine on the weeds in your heart and in His light, they will shrivel and die. We are called to tend to the fruits. Ask the Holy Spirit to pour into you so that His fruits may flourish.

It's good to identify things in your life that need to be purged or weeded out, BUT don't live there, don't stay there. Jesus will change you if you allow Him! It's a process, a sanctifying, purification process and it takes time. Tend to and focus the crops you want to yield in your life instead of focusing on the weeds that you want out.

"Today, Lord, I have complete belief in the process of growth. I don't expect a gold metal after the first lap" - Bill Speight.


Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things (Philippians 4:8)

The Root and Intimacy

I was talking the other night with a brother in Christ about intimacy - a topic that God has been laying on my heart lately as He's teaching me more and more about it.

Intimacy is to be fully known, to fully barre yourself to another. Intimacy with Christ is truly what we are created for - it's the ultimate freedom. There is no greater freedom than to be fully known and fully loved.

Adam and Eve in the garden were naked, fully seen, completely bare. What separates us from having true intimacy with our God is our sin and our own choice to hide ourselves from Him, just as Adam and Eve did when they hid behind the fig leaves. Throughout life we learn to withhold parts of ourselves from others, fearing rejection and judgement. In turn, we learn to do the same thing with God. Even though He already knows every part of our heart, He sees everything we do, but we still withhold pieces from God believing that we can control those things without him. This is a lie and the very wedge that drives us from our Savior, away from intimacy instead of closer to Him. We were created for intimacy with our God, to show him and tell him all the parts of our hearts, the good, the bad, the ugly, the dirty. Bringing those parts to Him, and bringing them into the light is how He then can begin purifying and sanctifying you.  It is in complete intimacy with God, when he has your entire heart that he will transform you into his likeness. It is when you, a human being, decide to hold nothing back.

Relationships were made to mirror God's relationship with us. Inviting another human into complete intimacy with you (and  your relationship with God) mirrors the holy trinity, allowing you to see deeper and fuller into the complexity of that relationship. But just as we withhold intimacy from God, we withhold it from others as well, because we fear that if somebody knows those parts of us, we will not be loved and accepted anymore. When we believe that not even God will accept our brokenness, there's no way we'll ever believe another human will. So we withhold our hearts from God and from others, which is perhaps one of the greatest heartbreaks of this world we live in - that we are conditional beings and we hold back in fear. Living this way, not only do we miss out on the true meaning of relationships (the way they were intended to be) with others, we miss out on a true relationship with our Creator. We unintentionally control and withhold our hearts, forbidding joy in a lot of ways.

This brings me to that conversation with my friend the other day on intimacy. He was asking me if I really believed it was a good idea to share parts of your past with a hypothetical future wife. He stated that it was so hard to imagine doing that because growing up in church men and woman are taught (and even cornered) into avoiding certain behaviors because of the threat of one day having to explain that to your future wife or husband. If you're reading this, I'm sure you've been told the same thing at some point in your life. You're scared into behaving a certain way because of the threat of having to tell somebody some day what you have done.

Sure, it will be really hard to tell a significant other about mistakes you've made in your past. I won't minimize that. But avoiding any behavior out of fear is the root of a bad fruit in which some of us feast on throughout our entire lives. Teaching us that intimacy is better when you have all good things to bare about yourself and using fear and shame as the motivator is a lie. And one that we need to reject.. QUICK. 

What's laid heavy on my heart today about what we're being taught is: 1) there's no room for grace in that approach and 2) The motivating factor is a DANGEROUS one, let me explain:

We as Christians should operate out of an overflow of our hearts. If what is instilled in us at a young age is FEAR and we avoid negative behavior out of an overflow of fear, right there, we are set up to fail. If fear (worry, doubt, anxiety, anything) is overflowing from your heart and that is your motivation to behave better or differently, please hear me, it will spill out into every other area of your life. Being motivated by anything that is not of God is a dangerous web we weave, but a tactic that many people preach.

Fear used a motivator is poison. It is a medicine that yields a result, but it's not lasting. It's not sustainable. Someone I know once said "Fear is an inhibitor of what God wants to get done".. it holds you back...it immobilizes you. Perhaps it "medicates" behavior and the result is some what desirable.. but it will not last. Medicating your motives leads to failure. On the other hand, Fruits of the Spirit are sustainable. But where there is fear... fruit cannot grow.

God calls us to live by the fruits of the Spirit. He desires our hearts to overflow with His fruits, for these fruits to spill out of everything we do. Therefore, in this specific situation,  the overflow of our hearts should be SELF CONTROL ... not fear. We act differently as Christians and avoid certain behaviors, not because we have to and not because we fear the consequences, we act differently because self control is a virtue and we desire good spiritual fruit, we desire to be led by the Spirit in TRUTH.

I think it's time to examine WHY we do the things we do because we've been lied to and misinformed for so long. We have a lot of very unhealthy approaches and narratives that lead us to self sabotage.  It's time to show the world that we Christians overflow with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control. We do this because we love Jesus and His fruits are LIFE GIVING. The Holy Spirit pours these things into our hearts, and in turn, we pour these fruits right back out everywhere we go.

If our hearts are not overflowing with the fruits, then we need to ask God to replace our current narratives with His truths. And remember too, this isn't necessarily your fault. We've been taught and trained a lot of self destructive things in our lives. 

Another important thing to remember, no matter your motives, is that when we mess up... There is grace that covers all. The sad part is when we mess up we cower away in shame and sometimes don't even accept grace that God freely gives. And you cannot give to anybody else what you yourself cannot accept. We live in shame, we plea for forgiveness and freedom and live in fear of messing up again instead of living from the fruits the Jesus so freely gives when you seek them.

In the end...no matter what... grace coves all and love wins....EVERY TIME!!!!

This is my confession: I've lived way too long wanting to be like Jesus because I fear being unlike Him and I fear the consequences of a life without Him...but from now on, I'm going to start living like Jesus but because I so passionately want to be like him. Period.

What is pouring out of your heart is a direct arrow to what's inside of your heart, to what's at the very root of your heart. If your heart is full of worry, then you leave a wake of worry everywhere you go, if your heart is full of  joy, you leave a wake of joy.

Oh Lord! To be a generation of men and women that overflow with your Fruits of the Spirit! To be a generation that leaves traces of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control every where we go! May your fruits flourish in our hearts and lives so that the world may see you through us and find you.

Amen.

Forecast: 62 Degrees & Runny

I recently decided to run the Music City half marathon. This will be my first race of any kind. Of course, I’m not focused on winning, or my time for that matter at all. I am purely focused on finishing and pushing myself to a whole new level.

As I begin training, I think about the distance that I will work myself up to; honestly, it’s a bit daunting. It’s overwhelming, and I’m not quite sure how I am going to build up to that distance. But isn’t that true of anything? If you think ahead too far, you just simply get ahead of yourself. The times in my life when I am the most joyful, the most peaceful and the most Spirit led, are the times that I take one day at a time and continually rely on God, moment by moment.

I love running because I love the way it parallels to our spiritual lives. You see, as much as I need physical endurance right now, I need just as much, if not more, spiritual endurance.

This summer I was running 4 miles every day. It amazed me that no matter how many times I ran it was never a breeze, it was always work and I always struggled. I think the same for our spiritual lives, we think just because we’ve done something a million times, prayed, served, worshiped, relied on God, etc. that eventually it won’t be work anymore and we can just hit cruise control and sail through life. But a relationship with God (or anybody for that matter) doesn’t work like that. It is a daily commitment, a daily choice and a daily run, sprint or jog, whatever pace you prefer.

Nothing reminds me more of that than running—the push, the struggle, and the payoff.

Daily, I have to rely on God and chose to seek His face first. I always know that I NEED God, but that doesn’t mean I always give Him my focus (ashamedly). However, as I continue to spend time alone with God, the more I actually CRAVE His presence in my life. Through my time alone with Him, He has given me so much joy, joy that could only be from Him alone. Joy from the Lord is glowing and contagious, I believe that with all my heart.

So these days, I am running full speed ahead into the Arms of God--and He is so good!

What are you pushing yourself towards these days? I’d love to hear!

I am teaming up with Food for the Hungry for the half marathon. FH is an organization that aids communities all around the world, I have chosen to raise money for an orphanage in Ethiopia.  If you’d like to help the cause, or simply learn more about it, please visit my donation page! http://grouprev.com/angimason

Cha-cha-cha-changes

Life comes and goes in waves and cycles. The current is constantly pulling you in and then throwing you back out again. If you are anything like me this fall, you have found yourself washed ashore, eroded and lost. Like a curser blinking on a blank page, you don’t know what’s next.

How many times have you caught yourself yearning for something you don’t have? Or how about this—you finally get something you have wanted and you turn right back around and want what you used to have. I often think, “Will I ever be happy with what I have and where I am?” Because here’s the truth, most of my life (I’m afraid to admit), I focus on what I want next and what I need to do to get there. It’s never enough and I always want more or better or to retreat back to what is comfortable. I mope and mull over choices made—was that the right decision, did I do the right thing? Why is the grass always greener of the other side and how do I become content and joyful exactly where I am?

 I realized the other day (and excuse my crassness) that I live my life with one foot in tomorrow and the other foot in yesterday. Meanwhile, legs sprawled, I am pissing all over today. How do I stop pissing all over today and embrace the opportunity and adventure that each day is capable of? How do I stay tied to memories and things that have made me who I am without dwelling on the fact that that’s not where I am in life anymore? How do I move forward and make plans and set goals without driving myself crazy over what I don’t have.

Holding on, letting go and moving forward at the right time (and sometimes all simultaneously) seems practically impossible. 

I don’t have answers or even much insight to any of these questions. It’s something I face on a daily basis, and certainly during this particular season of my life. One thing I do know is this: At the end of every hot, dry summer comes the cool, crisp relief of fall. Colors change before your eyes, the leaves fall from trees that we no longer need as shade.  We collect and store our crops that we’ve spent the hot days taking care of. The days get shorter, and we transition into winter where we are offered rest and rejuvenation.  Life outside seems to take a break and every so often the world is blanketed with a fresh sheet of snow that sparkles. We hibernate, and retreat indoor where we anticipate the day where life will grows outside again. We know a new day is coming, and just as promised, at the end of every cold, barren winter comes the warmth and renewal of spring. Rain falls and fills the earth with life again. All is made new and it feels like the world is reborn. We plant seeds and watch them grow. We wait as seeds that once could fit into the palm of our hands begin to bare fruit and bloom into fragrant flowers. The days get longer and the sun heats up the ground. The cycle of life starts over again. And again. And again.

I may not know what’s next in life but I can, without a doubt, rest assured that my God will provide. Whatever it is you find yourself in the middle of, take peace in knowing that relief is around the corner— if the sun that you once longed for in the cold of winter has beat down upon you so hard that it has worn and warped you, take comfort in knowing that every season has a change.