Life comes and goes in waves and cycles. The current is constantly pulling you in and then throwing you back out again. If you are anything like me this fall, you have found yourself washed ashore, eroded and lost. Like a curser blinking on a blank page, you don’t know what’s next.
How many times have you caught yourself yearning for something you don’t have? Or how about this—you finally get something you have wanted and you turn right back around and want what you used to have. I often think, “Will I ever be happy with what I have and where I am?” Because here’s the truth, most of my life (I’m afraid to admit), I focus on what I want next and what I need to do to get there. It’s never enough and I always want more or better or to retreat back to what is comfortable. I mope and mull over choices made—was that the right decision, did I do the right thing? Why is the grass always greener of the other side and how do I become content and joyful exactly where I am?
I realized the other day (and excuse my crassness) that I live my life with one foot in tomorrow and the other foot in yesterday. Meanwhile, legs sprawled, I am pissing all over today. How do I stop pissing all over today and embrace the opportunity and adventure that each day is capable of? How do I stay tied to memories and things that have made me who I am without dwelling on the fact that that’s not where I am in life anymore? How do I move forward and make plans and set goals without driving myself crazy over what I don’t have.
Holding on, letting go and moving forward at the right time (and sometimes all simultaneously) seems practically impossible.
I don’t have answers or even much insight to any of these questions. It’s something I face on a daily basis, and certainly during this particular season of my life. One thing I do know is this: At the end of every hot, dry summer comes the cool, crisp relief of fall. Colors change before your eyes, the leaves fall from trees that we no longer need as shade. We collect and store our crops that we’ve spent the hot days taking care of. The days get shorter, and we transition into winter where we are offered rest and rejuvenation. Life outside seems to take a break and every so often the world is blanketed with a fresh sheet of snow that sparkles. We hibernate, and retreat indoor where we anticipate the day where life will grows outside again. We know a new day is coming, and just as promised, at the end of every cold, barren winter comes the warmth and renewal of spring. Rain falls and fills the earth with life again. All is made new and it feels like the world is reborn. We plant seeds and watch them grow. We wait as seeds that once could fit into the palm of our hands begin to bare fruit and bloom into fragrant flowers. The days get longer and the sun heats up the ground. The cycle of life starts over again. And again. And again.
I may not know what’s next in life but I can, without a doubt, rest assured that my God will provide. Whatever it is you find yourself in the middle of, take peace in knowing that relief is around the corner— if the sun that you once longed for in the cold of winter has beat down upon you so hard that it has worn and warped you, take comfort in knowing that every season has a change.
