Cha-cha-cha-changes

Life comes and goes in waves and cycles. The current is constantly pulling you in and then throwing you back out again. If you are anything like me this fall, you have found yourself washed ashore, eroded and lost. Like a curser blinking on a blank page, you don’t know what’s next.

How many times have you caught yourself yearning for something you don’t have? Or how about this—you finally get something you have wanted and you turn right back around and want what you used to have. I often think, “Will I ever be happy with what I have and where I am?” Because here’s the truth, most of my life (I’m afraid to admit), I focus on what I want next and what I need to do to get there. It’s never enough and I always want more or better or to retreat back to what is comfortable. I mope and mull over choices made—was that the right decision, did I do the right thing? Why is the grass always greener of the other side and how do I become content and joyful exactly where I am?

 I realized the other day (and excuse my crassness) that I live my life with one foot in tomorrow and the other foot in yesterday. Meanwhile, legs sprawled, I am pissing all over today. How do I stop pissing all over today and embrace the opportunity and adventure that each day is capable of? How do I stay tied to memories and things that have made me who I am without dwelling on the fact that that’s not where I am in life anymore? How do I move forward and make plans and set goals without driving myself crazy over what I don’t have.

Holding on, letting go and moving forward at the right time (and sometimes all simultaneously) seems practically impossible. 

I don’t have answers or even much insight to any of these questions. It’s something I face on a daily basis, and certainly during this particular season of my life. One thing I do know is this: At the end of every hot, dry summer comes the cool, crisp relief of fall. Colors change before your eyes, the leaves fall from trees that we no longer need as shade.  We collect and store our crops that we’ve spent the hot days taking care of. The days get shorter, and we transition into winter where we are offered rest and rejuvenation.  Life outside seems to take a break and every so often the world is blanketed with a fresh sheet of snow that sparkles. We hibernate, and retreat indoor where we anticipate the day where life will grows outside again. We know a new day is coming, and just as promised, at the end of every cold, barren winter comes the warmth and renewal of spring. Rain falls and fills the earth with life again. All is made new and it feels like the world is reborn. We plant seeds and watch them grow. We wait as seeds that once could fit into the palm of our hands begin to bare fruit and bloom into fragrant flowers. The days get longer and the sun heats up the ground. The cycle of life starts over again. And again. And again.

I may not know what’s next in life but I can, without a doubt, rest assured that my God will provide. Whatever it is you find yourself in the middle of, take peace in knowing that relief is around the corner— if the sun that you once longed for in the cold of winter has beat down upon you so hard that it has worn and warped you, take comfort in knowing that every season has a change. 

What’s Apple Pie without Vanilla Ice Cream?

The other night I went to a dinner party. The gracious hosts asked my friend Caroline and I to bring the dessert. Since I don’t really bake, I went to Kroger and picked up a frozen apple crumble pie. I asked Carol to get the vanilla ice cream to accompany the pie.

We came up with this great idea to take the pie out of the box and pretend we made it from scratch. I wrapped the pie in the most southern looking towel I could find, and walked about 2 blocks to the dinner party.  Very old fashioned of me, right?

The dinner was just fabulous. We had stuffed peppers, asparagus, rolls and macaroni and cheese. But the best part about the meal was this: 5 friends gathered around a table. Friends, who had already weathered college together, graduation, marriage, relocations of many varieties and many other obstacles that often drift people away from one another. There we were, gathered around the table sharing a meal together—and yes, life and the relationships have changed, as they very well should! But the blessing it is to be around a table like that, is one of the most beautiful joys in life and a privilege that I’m not quite sure how I earned.

After dinner we put the pie in the oven. Carol had forgotten to grab the vanilla ice cream and since we had a good 30-45 minutes as the pie that “we slaved over the night prior ‘re-baked’”, we decided to make a Kroger run.

We dashed to the store, went straight to the frozen isle, grabbed the vanilla ice cream and went to pay. Our quest for ice cream came to a shrieking halt when Carol’s card was denied. We tried 4 different times to pay “try it as credit this time…” denied. “I’ll just take it to the cashier and see if it works…” denied. I would have offered to pay myself, except I walked over to the dinner party and left my wallet at home.

Oh dear. It seemed as though we were going to have to go back to the dinner party empty handed. However, thanks to technology, and the iPhone, no obstacle can get in the way of a girl and her dessert. Carol got out her iPhone and transferred money from her savings account to her checking, and within minutes we were back in business.  Online banking…it’s a Godsend. We literally cheered and jumped up and down at the Kroger Self Scan as people around looked at us like “is it really that exciting to buy vanilla ice-cream?” In that moment, yes—yes it was. 

I often catch myself getting caught up in moments like that, afterwards I laugh at the eagerness of the situation.  The ice cream was at our fingertips, only a couple dollars, and yet we very well may have had to walk out of the store empty handed. It’s silly, I know, and it’s even more ridiculous how desperate we were for that vanilla ice cream.

On the way back to the car, I couldn’t help but wonder—is this really what your mid-twenties comes to—tapping into your savings account to buy vanilla ice cream? You can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it. But sometimes it’s true.

How many things are at your fingertips, yet so far out of reach? How many things are you ready for, but you know you just haven’t earned yet? Things never happen the way you want them to or think that they should. I have found at this age it’s hard to find something to stand firm on. It’s hard to find security in a world that’s constantly shifting, friends that are constantly moving on, getting married, having babies, relocating and on and on.  You may find yourself very much in between it all.  But in the end, it always works out—what is going to happen is even better than anything you could imagine for yourself. You just have to be patient and shift with the changes. Sometimes it takes shifting money around from one bank account to another to remind me of that. 

The Red Lipstick Theory

I started wearing red lipstick my junior year of college. The last day of my junior year to be exact. I bought an outrageous shade from Walgreen’s called “orange flip”. As a 20-year-old girl I decided in almost an instant that I was the type of girl who wore red lipstick.

It changed my life.

At first I was a little timid. I mean, gosh, bright red lips feels like such a bold statement.  But over time it just became who I am. At first, I would wear it on the weekends only, then I transitioned to wearing it to dinner and maybe to a party or two. Suddenly I wore it to class, and to church, and weeks would go by when I’d realized that I don’t even know the real color of my lips. Now, it literally is just a part of who I am and I don’t think anyone would be surprised if I showed up at the YMCA sporting my latest shade alongside my workout attire. Angi Mason wears red lipstick—common knowledge; especially to parties and especially to weddings. There’s just something about it, girls! It’s empowering—it’s addictive—it’s so red!

So here’s my theory—now is the time in life to make a statement with red lipstick. If you wait later in life you risk being that middle aged lady trying way too hard to be hip and takes her 13 year-old daughter to a Britney Spears’ concert. If you wait even longer, you’ll be the old woman who gets most of the color on her teeth instead of her lips, but nobody wants to say anything (to those women, by the way, I am not hating. I completely resign myself to being one of you, I’m just saying don’t wait that long to start, work it now!)

Your mid-twenties are a confusing time. Half your friends are married, half of them are single and won’t be married for…a little longer anyway. Some have babies, boyfriends, masters degrees, haven’t graduated yet, own a house already, jobless, or overly ambitious—We’re all over the map. There is no norm and if thirty is the new twenty then I guess that makes twenty the new ten.  (And several of us act like it…but that’s another story for another day).

The life metaphor here is that now is the time to try anything and everything. Take a hold of this unique time in life, own it, and live it up! Wear red lipstick. You’re young, you’re bold, you’re beautiful and you have nothing to lose. It may take you a couple takes to find the right shade, but you’ll get there! Like anything in life, keep trying until you find the color that fits your skin tone and personality perfectly! Certainly, don’t ever let being afraid of something hold you back. Be adventurous, take chances, make mistakes and figure out life! I dare you to put a shade of red on your lips and then see what else in life you can conquer. 

The Roaring Twenties

Hi there! Welcome to my blog. Before we get started there's some things about me I'd like you to know...


I won't pretend I have it all figured out. Like so many, I am just trying to put the pieces of life together and stay afloat in this mess they call your twenties, the "roaring twenties," if you will. This is my attempt to share my heart, my confessions, my stories. This is a mid-twenty year old’s manifesto—thoughts on life, love, nature, beliefs and red lipstick.

I will warn you right now—it’s not all pretty. But that’s life. I’ve made some of the boldest and brightest decisions during this time, and this is merely me deciding it’s time to share (the good and the bad). It’s time to work through this out loud and have fun with it!

I am not a writer and I am not eloquent. I need an editor, but I don’t have one. This will be raw. It will be a learning process, and honestly, it’s more fun that way.

So I invite you to read along. Better yet, I invite you to talk back. Join me in the hopes that women everywhere will team up together and talk about things that matter, things that we're struggling through and the things that nourish and help pad the impact that life--oh so often--can have. We’re all facing these same struggles—so let’s face them together! My desire here is not just to write and share, my desire is to open up dialogue, to challenge each other, to learn and grow--together--on this journey into our "roaring twenties."